How to Hide Your Marijuana High Like a Pro

You just finished off a gram of brain-melting Kosher Kush and suddenly you’re receiving a surprise visit. Now you need to play it cool and avoid discovery.

It seems to happen at the most unfortunate of times – but knowing how to hide your marijuana high can save you a lot of trouble. After all, while cannabis use has become far more mainstream in recent years, there still exists that sector of society that doesn’t quite “get it” yet.

If you need to hide being stoned, the important thing is to remain calm. You just need to master the art of how to not look high after smoking weed. It’s easier than you may think.

Telltale Signs That You’re High

First, you need to understand what your high looks like to other people.

  • Your eyes are red, dry, or puffy
  • You smell like a dispensary fire
  • You speak unusually fast or slow
  • You carry on about inane topics
  • You’re unusually passionate about mundane subjects
  • You jump erratically between unrelated conversation topics
  • You’re fidgety and in constant motion

If you plan ahead, it’s easy to mitigate these dead giveaways. If you get caught off guard, it’s a lot more difficult. So your approach to hiding your high must be tailored accordingly.

How to Hide Your Marijuana High in Advance

Let’s say that you’re planning a visit to your in-laws’ house. You’re dreading the experience, and you know that the only way you’ll be able to get through it is with a bit of THC pre-gaming. But you don’t want to barge into the house reeking of skunk weed and waxing philosophic about the paradox of vegetarians eating animal crackers.

When you’re able to plan ahead, you can prevent your high from becoming the elephant in the room.

Keep your dosage under control

Now is not the time to go to the moon. Take just enough to keep the edge off and enjoy a mild buzz. If you have a one-hitter, you can easily light up on the fly and keep your dosage at a controlled level.

Opt for smoke-free consumables

woman consuming cbd oilEven if you go with a low-odor cannabis strain like Northern Lights or Jack Herer, there’s no hiding the smell. It gets on your clothes, in your hair, and even on your breath. If your goal is just to get high and you don’t care about the delivery method, you can opt for odor-free or low-odor alternatives like capsules, tinctures, or certain edibles.

Take a shower and change your clothes

If you do decide to smoke, at least take a few moments to shower and change before you leave the house or welcome guests into your own home. This will help to mitigate any unwanted aromas.

Bring eye drops

Lubricating eye drops are the best way to combat the telltale red-eye that often accompanies marijuana use. If you’re going to be outdoors, you can also wear sunglasses to keep your glassy-eyed sheen under wraps.

Talk less, listen more

When there’s no smell to give you away, your mouth will expose you faster than anything else. Most often, you won’t even realize when you’re rambling, slurring, and shouting, but other people will notice. So keep your end of the conversation to a minimum.

Practice self-awareness

Make a cognizant effort to observe your own body language, words, and behaviors, and try to avoid doing or saying anything that’s significantly out of character for your sober self. The higher you are, the harder this is to do, which is why it’s important to keep your dosage under control.

Dress Respectably

The way you dress can sub-communicate a lot about you. You don’t have to wear a suit and tie, but you might want to keep your Grateful Dead or Cypress Hill T-shirt at home. There’s no need to arouse unnecessary suspicion before you even walk through the door.

How to Hide Being Stoned If You’re Caught Off Guard

When you’re caught by surprise and you need to conceal your high quickly, some of the above tips might be useless (you can’t un-smoke a giant bowl). But there are still ways to remain above suspicion. If you have eye drops or sunglasses as noted above, now is the time to grab them. In addition, try some of the following steps.

Get rid of the odor

If you’re able to change clothes without drawing attention to yourself, do it. If that’s not feasible, you may still be able to put on some lotion, deodorant, body spray, or cologne/perfume. You should also brush your teeth if possible, as aromatic cannabis terpenes can linger on your tongue and the roof of your mouth.

Hide your stash

If your bong, dab rig, or dry herb is sitting out in plain sight, the jig is up. So make sure to collect any weed and paraphernalia and move it out of sight. Depending on the setting, you might also need to spray some air freshener around.

Talk less, listen more

Yes, we covered this one already, but it bears repeating. If you want to hide your marijuana high, just smile and nod a lot. When you do speak, use short sentences and don’t try to guide the conversation.

Find something to focus on

fidget spinnerA bottle of water is a great thing to have on hand because you can focus on it and also stay hydrated (which may help you to gradually come down from your high). Some people have also reported using a fidget spinner to remain grounded. Whatever you focus on, make sure it’s something natural to have in your possession. If you walk around with a miniature Tiki statue, you’re going to arouse a bit of suspicion.

Try not to fidget

Constant fidgeting is another dead giveaway, especially if you’re really baked. Mind your body language, and focus on your breathing. The goal is to maintain a calm, focused demeanor. Even if you’re extremely high, mind-over-matter is possible.

Go with the old “I’m tired” excuse

If it’s painfully obvious that there’s something “off” about you (maybe because of one or two missteps), you can always go with the classic excuse: “You’ll have to excuse me; I didn’t get any sleep last night.” As long as you don’t reek of skunk, most people will find that explanation perfectly valid.

Take some CBD oil

Cannabidiol (CBD) has been shown to counter the psychoactive effects of THC. So if you take CBD oil in a pinch, you may be able to reduce your buzz quickly and save face. You can save up to 50% when you stock up with CBD coupons. Then you’ll always have it on hand for those unexpected emergencies.

Try caffeine for energy

If you don’t have CBD on hand, a quick dose of caffeine may also do the trick. Caffeine is a stimulant while marijauna can serve as either a depressant or a stimulant depending on the strain. You shouldn’t take caffeine if you’re already energized, but it may give you a much-needed boost if you’re experiencing severe couchlock from your favorite indica.

Excuse yourself and leave

If your exposure could leave you vulnerable to personal or professional consequences, or if you’re just hopelessly baked, your best bet may be to remove yourself from the situation. Make a polite excuse and leave.

Just own it

Finally, if you get discovered despite your best efforts, you could always try sharing your stash with the people around you. You may be surprised to learn that your grandmother is a huge pot brownie connoisseur.

Or not.

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